Recent posting has been a bit sporadic due to some organizational changes. For one thing, we’ve been hiring new staff – like Noah Diah, our new college advice counselor. Noah did his undergraduate work at Harvard, where he majored in Rhetoric and worked in the Office of admissions. After graduation, he traveled extensively, sharing his adventures on his well known travel blog, Where Did You Say I Am? He also writes the advice column What’s in the Bottle? on the website FooledAgain.com.
Noah wanted to jump right in, so here’s his first column.
Dear Noah,
I’m a good student (3.9 gpa, 1550 SAT) with decent extracurriculars – student council and band for 4 years, state orchestra, etc. But I know if I want to go to a T20 school, I’m competing with a million other similar students, so I need to write an incredible essay to stand out. But I feel like there’s nothing special about me. How can I come up with a great topic that will really wow admissions’ officers?
Another Blah Virginian
Hi Blah,
This is a great question. Standing out on your college applications is really important – colleges love creativity, spontaneity and originality. For example, I have a friend whose Common App essay was: “Let me come to your school, or I’ll sue.” Did anyone else write that? No, they didn’t, he was the only one. He got into Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Stanford, all the places. [This never happened –Ed] True story. [This is not a true story! – Ed.]
My advice? Pull out all the stops, write something no one has ever thought of. You know what would be a great opening line for your essay? I was a teenage stalker. [This is a terrible opening line! Do not use it! – Ed.]
Now, I know you’re thinking, I can’t do that. [Finally! A sensible sentence! – Ed.] I’ve never stalked anybody. But there’s an easy solution to that! You’ve got at least six months before the essay is due – good on you, starting early – that’s plenty of time to stalk someone. You can certainly go for the typical stalker thing, girl (or boy) you’re madly in love with, but I wouldn’t hesitate to switch it up a little. And if you can tie it to your interests, that would be even better – do you have a rival in orchestra, for example? Or maybe you could have a theme, stalking all the trumpet players, for example. A little more complicated, but think of the details you could include in the essay! [Do not stalk *ANYBODY*! This blog absolutely, 100% does NOT recommend stalking of any kind! – Ed]
Huh. The editor just sent me a text message. Remember this is a How To Get Into College Blog NOT a How To Get Into Jail Blog!!! What I say is, why not do both? What I mean is, if you do get thrown into jail, you could write an even better essay about that. [Writing your college essays from your jail cell would be very uncomfortable. You might have to use the sink for a table, and write by candlelight. -Ed] See jail as a win. [It’s a win for the person you’re stalking, that’s for sure.- Ed.] And imagine when you have to answer the question, Why Do You Want to Attend MIT? The answer just writes itself: It’s better than jail!
This is such a guaranteed admissions strategy, I can’t believe no one has tried it before, to be honest. I think –
Transcript of Conversation Overhead in the Editorial Offices of Strike the Write Note:
Editor: You cannot advise students to do illegal things in order to ‘stand out’ on their college essays. I can’t believe I have to say this! Not only is it crazy, it wouldn’t work. No one wants a stalked on their campus –
ND: An experienced stalker
Editor: That’s even worse! What did you write your Common App essay on?
ND: (pause) Well. The guy who wrote Let me into your school or I’ll sue? I was too modest to put it in the column, but that was me.
Editor: And you got into Harvard? With that essay?
ND: The gates were open.
Editor: What do you mean ‘the gates were open’?
ND: I said I went to Harvard, and I did.
Editor: You went to Harvard? You mean you enrolled there, studied there, graduated from there?
ND: I went there. I mean, the gates were open and I walked in.
Editor: But you weren’t a Harvard student?
ND: I never said I was a Harvard student. You asked where I went to school and –
Editor: Thanks very much.
ND: Wait – where are you going? We still haven’t talked logistics! When should I send you my next column?
ND: Should I send it to you on Monday?
ND: Expect it on Monday! This one was a little tame, but I’ll make sure to liven things up in the future.
Strike the Write Note 