Pay Attention to what they do

I generally write these posts for high school students – probably because there’s still a lot of the 17-year-old in me! – but this one is for parents.

Kids are delightfully weird and quirky, and they often think about their future in weird and unexpected ways – or, sometimes, in totally obvious and predictable ways.  So on the one hand, a kid might really like the costume their friend wore for third grade Halloween and decide, Hey I want to be a pilot.  For the next ten years, everytime anyone asks them what they want to do when they grow up, they say ‘pilot’ and the next thing you know, there they are, studying aeronautical engineering.  Or, they might look at the jobs their parents have, or the ones they see in the media – doctor, lawyer, computer guy – and that’s what they say they want to do.

My advice to parents, especially to parents of younger children: ignore what your kids say and pay attention to what they do, especially in their free time.  One of the first questions I ask my students is always that: What do you do in your free time?  Because free time is time spent doing what you like to do – and a career that incorporates, at least in part, things you like to do is going to be much more enjoyable than a career that doesn’t.

Even when your child spends their free time doing things you don’t necessarily think are productive – watching tiktok videos, for example, or sending their friends text messages – when you dig down and discover what they like about it, you may find lots of possibilities.  The tiktok watcher might be obsessed with cute animals, an interest you can encourage by signing up to volunteer at an animal shelter or helping them to start a dog walking business.  The texter’s funny quips that send her friends into gales of laughter might be interested in learning more about advertising – on the other hand, if he’s spending long hours trying to help his friends through neverending drama, he might sign up for AP Psych (or think about a future in politics).   

My main point here is that it’s easy for kids – for anyone, really – to get stuck on an idea and have a hard time translating what they enjoy and are good at into a field of study and future career.  And that’s where you come in, as a parent – to identify their strengths and encourage them to build on them.